Suicidal fish and a hormonal dog.

The other day we were sitting on the couch just minding our own business, watching a movie, when all of a sudden we hear a THUMP. We look at each other like what in the world was that. We see that our hormonal psycho dog is looking at the fish tank. We notice that the water is moving and see that one of our fish is just sort of floating around like its about to die. Putting two and two together we figure that this one particular fish, the suicidal one, decided to be bright and jump out of the water. Unbeknownst to him (or her?) there's a hood up there! That fish slammed head first into the tank hood at a high velocity and knocked itself silly. For the next hour or so it was swimming nose down, in circles, upside down, laying flat, or just floating upside down like a dead fish. It had knocked itself nuts. That ladies and gentlement is my suicidal fish.
On to the hormonal psycho pup. Well our puppy turned 1 in February, so that makes her about 16 months. Not quite sure how old that is in puppy age but im guessing teenage years since the psycho pup is in heat! She whines, she cries, she whines some more, until we pet her. Shes bleeding all over my carpet! I am going to have to go get a mastiff size tampon (joking here folks gross..ewww, yuk...gag) to get her to stop this nastyness. We have to deal with this for THREE weeks at least. OMGOSH. I told the hubby "YOU are the one that wanted a female" this is what he gets.